Nurturing the Neglected: Book Coming Soon

As I mentioned in my previous post, I am in the process of finalizing my book: Nurturing the Neglected. This book is a 30-day guide meant to show you how to intentionally love yourself.

Do you want to change something in your world? Do you want to do something that leaves a mark? A beautiful legacy can only come from a soul that has been tended to. To do this, you need to care for yourself. You need to love you. You need to nurture the neglected parts of your body, spirit, and soul.

Nurturing the Neglected isn't meant to be a full-blown 30-Day Devotional. Instead, it's meant to be a 30-Day Inspirational. This book is simply the skeleton to allow God to build on and add life to. Instead of spoon-feeding you an entire meal I want to give you the ingredients to make a life that you love—that sustains you, and that nourishes your soul. This book won't be some easy read-it-and-you're-done-for-the-day kind of book. Instead, it's meant to inspire you, to lead you to God, to create a dissatisfaction in your "normal," so you run to the arms of your Creator to learn His normal.

I am to beyond excited to share this book with everyone. In a week or two I'll be ordering my proof. After I receive my proof, I'll be sharing more about the book and launching a pre-order sale with the opportunity to get lots of extra little goodies.

Words cannot describe my gratitude in knowing the support I've been receiving and the prayers that have been said for me in this process. I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who love me and push me, even when I'm uncomfortable and want to give up. I have grown so much during this process.

I want to say a special thank you to Greg & Jess Antonow, of Bless the Messy. They have been working so hard and long with me to get everything just right with all the illustrations for the book. I had a vision, and they brought it to life. You guys are AMAZING. (Go check out their work!)

Love to you all,

Jenny

Patience

Patience.

When it comes to projects; patience is not my best friend. I really like to see end results, and working on things that I'm not that good or skilled at drives me NUTS. The Lord is sweetly working on my heart, though, and my patience has grown.

I was listening to the audiobook for Francis & Lisa Chan's book, 'You & Me Forever,' Francis said, "When we both make it our goal to love each other with the love of Christ, the conflicts we have regarding roles and responsibilities dissipate. If I am earnestly seeking Lisa’s good before my own, I don’t find it insulting or even inconvenient that I am supposed to serve her and sacrifice on her behalf. It’s just obvious. It’s natural. And if Lisa cares for me above herself, it is obvious she would want to support my vision for ministry and life above her own. Imagine a marriage—or any relationship, for that matter—where both parties are trying desperately to “outdo one another in showing honor” (Rom. 12:10)."

You might be thinking, 'Jenny? Why are you quoting a marriage book when you're talking about working on projects?' Here is why: I'm learning to serve. I'm learning that in serving there is no focus on self. With no focus on self, I have no reason to whine or complain or get impatient when things are taking longer, or are harder than I was anticipating.

So I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm letting the Lord help me focus on Him and serving.

Sometimes serving looks like acknowledging that my son is waking up really really hungry (at 6:15 am) and doesn't understand why his stomach hurts, so he's whining for cereal. Instead of being upset that he has inconvenienced me by waking me up 2 hours earlier than the normal time I get up and I feed him cereal and take care of his little growing body.

Sometimes serving is knowing that God has called me to something specific and I need to finish it. I need to cross all my 't's and dot all my 'i's. This isn't a matter of convenience. This is a matter of putting myself and my "JUST GET IT DONE" attitude down, and moving at the pace that needs to be moved.

Sometimes serving is setting it all down and having coffee with my husband, playing a board game, or just chatting about dreams.

I could go on and on about what serving looks like, but I want to ask you, what does serving look like in your world? Where does 'self' creep in and make things irritating, inconvenient, or hard? The moment you change your perspective from 'self' to 'serve,' everything changes.

I'm finishing up a 30-day devotional called 'Nurturing the Neglected'. I'm really excited about it, but it has been months of planning and growing. I thought this was something I could just whip together, so you can imagine my surprise when it went from "this will be easy" to actual work. But here I am, serving. I'm picking up my computer and I'm typing. I'm studying the best way to publish. I ordered paper swatches so I could see which paper is best. I've researched printing and pricing. I'm working with one of the sweetest and most talented hand-lettering artists; Jess from Bless the Messy. I'm working hard, and I'm reminding myself I have something to say with this mug I got from Storyline Conference in 2015. God is doing big things, and I'm so so excited to share this with you.
Love to you all,
Jenny

Stronger Than Yesterday

I'm a first-but-actually-final-draft kind of person. In school I would write essays on perfectly clean notebook paper, and if I messed something up and/or needed to erase I'd tear the page out and start the whole thing over. A rough draft was not an option. I expected perfection of myself every time.

What a terrible way to choose to live life. Even though school is long behind me, I've found myself living with this mentality as an adult. If something I do doesn't exceed my expectations or go off without a hitch, I'll basically scrap the idea and start new. This leaves me running in circles trying to find that ONE THING that I'll be really, really, REALLY good at.

Wait, scratch that.

I mean PERFECT at.

This year has been a year of refocus for me. A year of changing the way I think, the way I move forward in life. At the beginning of this year God brought me to Matthew 6:33, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you." What are these things that are added? If you go back a few verses you'll find Jesus talking about people being concerned about what they'll eat, or how they'll be clothed. Jesus is saying that if we truly seek God first, we won't be distracted by "things" or how we think is the best way to obtain these things. Are they necessary? Yes! But our Heavenly Father takes care of these things for us when we are following the direction He has for us.

This has been 2016 for me. He told me to seek Him first.

There have been weeks that I've been distracted by the things around me; by the work, by the friends, by the relationships. This isn't to say that I'm not to do these things, but that I'm not focusing on what I'm supposed to be, I am focusing on these things. When we focus on one thing, we aren't able to focus on other things at the same time. This is what God is trying to tell us, when I focus on Him, my life comes together like a beautiful puzzle.

The 'first-but-actually-final-draft kind of person' comes out in me when I get distracted. I think, "Why bother? I screwed it up. I lost my focus. I suck at this. Now I need to start all over." And I want to be done. But God, in His ever so gentle way, tells me to refocus. He reminds me that I've learned more; that I know more. He reminds me that I'm stronger than yesterday, I'm not at square one. I've come so far in this journey and will only continue to advance.

I will continue to refocus when He ever so gently calls my name. And the more I learn to just refocus, and not beat myself up, the quicker the refocus will happen every time. I'll be able to focus on Him longer before I get distracted again. I will continue to put Him first.

I am stronger than yesterday.

Until next time,
Jenny 

I Try Too Hard

I hadn't seen my friend, Bethany, in what felt like years. I was so so excited to sit down at Perkins and talk with her about life; hear how Rochester, NY was treating her, and how everything was going on her end.

She was there when I arrived, and I slid into the booth with her. We ordered some food and I started to fill her in on everything that was happening. God had been doing SO many things in my life, and I just had to tell her about all of the amazing things He was showing me. She'd take a turn to say something that God had been whispering to her heart, and it would remind me of something else He'd recently done in my life, so I'd tell her about that too.

The time with her was so much fun. We laughed. We hugged. We enjoyed one another's company. We said our goodbyes and as I got into my car my heart sank as I had a terrible realization; I selfishly hogged that entire conversation.

I had wanted, so badly, to tell her about all the amazing things going on in my life that I had hardly given her time to open her heart up about one of the things God was doing in hers.

I've done a lot of thinking about this concept, since this moment of realization I had about 8 years ago. It wasn't until today that I realized why.

I try too hard.

I was in my kitchen today, just cleaning, when all of the sudden the Lord whispered to me, gently, "You're too much."

Instantly my instagram profile came into my mind.

"If you want to view paradise, open up your eyes and view it." // Living a story that matters. // Wife. Mom to #LittleATJ. Pastor. Traveler. Photog. 

That's what my description read.

In 25 words I tried to get out everything about who I am. I tried to get anyone who wants to know me or understand me and my heart in one description. I tried to get you to see me. I tried...

I try.

I have seen this as a pattern in my life. I so badly want to make sure that everyone understands my heart. I want to validate myself. I want people to know I'm genuine. I want to make everyone see my intentions are good.

I try.

When someone has come against me and who I am, or questions my integrity, I am so quick to try to show them they're wrong. I will go above and beyond to show them, to GIVE THEM PROOF that my heart was never to hurt anyone. I don't want to be misread, misunderstood, and mistaken for something wrong.

I try.

Yesterday I was reading about Jesus' crucifixion. In Matthew 27:39-44 it says, "Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads and saying, “You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself! Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!” In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him. “He saved others,” they said, “but he can’t save himself! He’s the king of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, ‘I am the Son of God.’" In the same way the rebels who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him."

It hit me that if JESUS CHRIST, the SON OF GOD had people who came against Him, doubting Him and questioning His heart, His motives, Him, how in the world would I think that people wouldn't question me???

I realized I don't need to try.

I don't need to explain myself to you. I don't need to tell you about all the good things God is doing in my life to make sure that you believe me. I don't need to try to push my heart out there and say, "But look!!! I promise I'm trying to take care of it as best as I can!"

I don't need to try.

I am a daughter of the King. I am loved by the Holy Creator. I am led by Holy Spirit. I am an open vessel before Him.

That is before all other things.

It is out of this that you'll hear me talk about how amazing my God is. It is out of this that you'll see me living my life. It's no longer out of the desire to prove something to you.

It's out of the love that He's already proven to me.

Until next time,
Jenny

Living Eulogy // Cassandra Carrascosa

Our parents met when I was a year and a half old. We've been best friends ever since.

I'm turning 28 in a couple months...

That's just over 26 years that I've known this woman. WHAT???

To have 26 years of memories, laughter, crying and everything in between makes it quite difficult to nail it down to a blog post that isn't a novel.... but I shall try. *Side note: I was hoping to find some childhood photos of us... but my mom thinks they're all in their storage unit. So I did what I could.

Here's us being awesome teenagers!

You'll never find someone like Cassie if you search the whole world over. Cassie is one of the most hard working, artistically driven women I know. She has a vision and a passion that is unlike any I've ever seen. Cassie has pushed and worked so hard to get to where she is, and there are only more amazing things coming in the future.

Cassie has a passion for fine art. More specifically, she has a passion for fine art photography. She attended the Academy of Art University online and worked her butt off to get her graduate. Not only was she putting in 40+ hours a week (I know I'm not even close to the actual number...), she got pregnant twice and had two children during her schooling. She then stayed home with them while her hubby worked a job that was 1 hour away that involved many overnights. But she pushed through and graduated in December of 2013. I got to go out to California with her for her graduation and it was so great!

Cassie & her family live in southern MN and she has had a vision to create fine art furniture pieces. Oh my GOODNESS they're amazing. To see one of her more recent pieces that she envisioned & created as a part of her 'Art With A Past Life' venture, click here. She has chased this. She works relentlessly to make her visions reality.

Cassie has inspired me in so many ways in my life. She pushes me to chase my dreams and make them happen. She shows me what a loving a nurturing mother looks like. She has taught me what it looks like to fight for relationship with your husband when it doesn't always go so smoothly, but how it's always worth it and how God makes them stronger & more in love with one another ever single time. She has always been a source of encouragement, someone who shares the love of God with me every time we talk, every time we write one another.

There are so many areas she's pushed me and inspired me... but this is the one that sticks out the most right now; her drive. Whether it be in her relationship with God, in her relationship with her husband, in her relationship with her children, or her art; she doesn't give up. She doesn't walk away. She sees a vision that has been given to her and she chases it whole-heartedly.

I love you so much Cassie, I have so many more words to say... but I don't even know how to go on and on with them right now. The gratitude I have to God for putting you in my life is something I can't contain. Thank you for all of the bits of wisdom you've given me. Thank you for the encouragement. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being raw, for being honest. I love you so much more than I'll ever be able to say.

With so much love,

Your BFF - Boy Friend Forever ;)

And just for old time's sake... here's one that we thought was soooooo cool.

To follow Cassie's business Facebook page and keep up with everything she's doing click here!

I Don't Have the Right to be a Parent.

I cannot tell you the amount of times I've looked at Little ATJ and thought, "Seriously... wow."

His "cheesy-grin" that he does on command.

I don't have a right to be a parent.

I have been given the gift of being a parent.

I have been entrusted in raising a little soul into an adult. What I do in his life now will help to determine who he will be forever.

One of my favorite photos captured by Joy Studios this last fall

I think of the things that I value most; things that I have a harder time just lending out to people. Things that have no heart value to me, but mostly monetary. Things like my computer, our cameras, a car. These things I'm still quick to borrow to the right people, but there is still that little thing in the back of my head that says, "Wait... I'll get this back in the same shape... right?" I know they're replaceable... but there is still that quick thought.

I think of that, and then I think about how God gifts us, blesses us, trusts us, with a precious child of His. A child to nurture and take care of. A child that isn't truly ours, but the Father's.

A child.
A LIFE.
Not just a THING.

And He trusts ME. He trusts Joel and me. He has trusted us with what He values most. He trusts us with a little love that is irreplaceable.

That smacks me with a gratitude I've never felt. It overwhelms me with a sense of calling. A pulling. A challenge. Not only that. But a true satisfaction in my place in life.

I want more children. I truly desire it to the core of my being. I was made to be a momma. I know God has promised me more children. I know we will adopt someday, as well.

But if ATJ were the only child I were to ever have, I would truly be ok with that. Not just ok. But OVERWHELMINGLY FILLED WITH GRATITUDE.

I am going to give my everything into being a mother to Little ATJ. I am going to teach him to love the Lord with his whole heart, to let God direct every step. I won't teach him this through words alone, but through my everyday living.

I am going to show him how a woman of God lives and loves her husband, so that he can know what that looks like when he gets older. I'm going to teach him to let God pour through him, to love every person he comes in contact with. I'm going to show him the value he has.

I am going to live a life out of the gratefulness and the caution I feel in raising someone who is not meant for me, but for God. For the world to see Him through my son.

Wow.

What a gift that I've been given.

What a gift.

Treasure the children you've been given. Treasure the value of life you've held. You're blessed beyond measure.

Until next time,
Jenny

Living Eulogy // Kristen Verlennich

As a youth pastor, there are times that you hear people talk about how you're influencing young kids lives. As true as I know this is (I've had youth pastors who very much impacted my life), I don't think people realize how often my life is influenced by those I have the honor of having in my youth group. People don't realize that questions my youth group has raise questions for me too, pushing me to find the answers, or how watching them grow and become their own person is something that challenges me to be a better example of the type of person you should be.

I met Kristen when my brother brought her to our youth group when she was about 13. Her first time there we played the game 'Quelf' and her shy little emo self (I can say that now... right Kristen?) got so embarrassed because she had to wear red lipstick throughout the game and we didn't see her again for another year or so. She claims it had nothing to do with the lipstick... I'm not quite so sure. Thankfully, she did come back.

I'm not 100% sure what initially drew me to Kristen. It may have been her shy personality that intrigued me to get to know her more, to see who she was behind those big blue/green eyes and her sweet smile. It may have been the way she'd sit really quiet until she knew what she wanted to say was important and she'd start off softly, building more confidence as she spoke. It may have been her wonderful taste in clothing and music, listening to bands I knew in high school and college, therefore I deemed her an old soul. (I know... I'm not that old... but for reals)

Whatever it was, we bonded. She became someone I saw as more a friend than a teen in my youth group. Her drive to know God and see Him as He desires to be seen is a challenge to me every time I'm with her. She's got a smile that lights up a room, and one of the cutest laughs you'll ever hear in your life.

I've watched Kristen grow from a little emo scene kid (Kristen, I still have proof you said that... so don't try to argue me!), who didn't know who she was or what she wanted, to an amazing woman of God who is now married to the man her heart longed for. A man who treats her with kindness and grace. A man who loves her for who God created her to be.

 

I got to be a part of my sweet Kristen's wedding day this last September. My husband officiated the wedding, and my brother and I got to tell the story through photos. It was a beautiful and blessed day. One that brought many hearts together to support and love on two people who found their forever love at a young age. What a blessing to go through the majority of your life with the person God has set for you in your path at the perfect time! I'm so proud of them for pursuing God in timing and in relationship. They are two beautiful souls who have become one amazing instrument for the Lord.

Kristen, I'm so proud of you. Words cannot describe the way I feel when I think about the time I've had with you for vinyl and coffee dates, for drives to take photos, and when I watch you walk on the path God has set in front of you. You have learned how to let God guide you, and it is such a beautiful thing. I'm so so SO thankful that I could be even a small part of that. I love you so much Kristen. Thank you for being a part of my life, and for letting me be a part of yours.

Love,

Jenny

Professional photos by Jennifer Christi Photo & Video

Living Eulogy // James Huff

This week's Living Eulogy goes to a man who probably has no idea how much of a big deal he is in my life. He is someone who I've looked up to for a long time. I've appreciated his wit, his smiles and his compliments. This man would be my uncle, James Huff.

My Uncle James is someone I've always looked up to as the older brother I never had. He is so much fun to be around. He was always showing me music I'd never heard of (Beanbag, anyone?), teasing me, and always treating me like I wasn't over a decade younger than him. He would give me baseball and basketball cards and show me his ENORMOUS collection. He even gave me a gigantic stuffed purple bear that I still have in my home, now my son gets to play with it.

Uncle James & my cousin, Kourtney

James is someone who knows how to make you smile. He gets the same twinkle in his eye that my Grandpa Jim gets whenever he starts teasing or telling a little "half-truth". He doesn't always say a whole lot, but when he does, it's always worth listening to.

My uncle went through a couple rough patches in life as I was growing up, and although I wasn't old enough to truly understand, relate or really be there for him, I saw it. I saw the pain in his eyes when we were at a Thanksgiving meal surrounded by family, but without his daughter, and my grandma said, "Let's say what we're thankful for." He slowly pushed his chair back, got up and snuck out of the room without drawing any attention to himself. I saw him as he would come to family gatherings and sit in the corner of the kitchen, baseball hat on with the bill covering his eyes as he looked down, peeling a label off of a pop bottle, not saying a word... keeping as much distance as he could without getting the questions of why he wasn't there. I saw my uncle, who had once been so bubbly, fun & one of my favorite people to be around, become basically a shell any time I was around him.

I don't say this to be a downer, I say this for what's next in this post.

I saw my uncle reach out to God and grab on to Him for all it was worth. I watched as my uncle gave himself, whole-heartedly, to God. He let go of the things he was holding onto so closely in life, and let God take them. He gave God his heart and I watched as God polished that heart, softened it, and brought my uncle back to life. I saw the sparkle start coming back, I heard his laugh again, I had my uncle back!

I've watched as God has mended James into an amazing man who loves the Lord so much. A man who has surrounded himself with people who love and care for him, and who love God. I've heard my Uncle James say, "I realized I didn't have it together, and that I needed to let God have all of it. That I couldn't expect anyone else to fix me. I needed to let God fix me first, then I would be whole." I've been able to see how God brought that perfect person for my Uncle James. Not only did He bring Terra into his life, He brought two more daughters, giving my uncle a beautiful family of 5 (and now a son-in-law, as well as a granddaughter, and another grandson on the way!)

Uncle James, you are an inspiring man. You've shown me how God's love is so much bigger than any problems we face, any situations we get into, and anything we could ever come against. Thank you for always being the older brother my parents never gave me (frankly, I'm happy I get to refer to you as my big brother). Thank you for those conversations we've had, even though they're few and far between. I remember one night when I was riding with you to South Dakota, we just talked the entire way down. There was a lot of laughter, some good advice, and a lot of music. It's one of my fondest memories. Thank you for the random invitations to bonfires. Thank you for the random surprises of baked goods, or even an invite for poutine. I love and appreciate you and your family so much. You have always been a person I've felt so privileged to know and call family. Thank you for being you.

Love,

Jenny

"Thank you."

There are many times that we go through life feeling unappreciated. We feel unloved. We feel unacknowledged. We feel like we work hard and it's to no avail; in our jobs, in our home, in our day to day life.

"...In everything, in every circumstance, do to others as you would have them do to you." Matthew 7:12 (The Voice Bible)

What if we started saying 'Thank you'?

What if we said 'thank you', everyday, to the soldiers who sacrifice their lives for us on the regular, instead of only on the holidays that are devoted to them?

What if we thanked our children for the amazing and good things they do on the regular day to day, instead of only scold them when they're bad?

What if we thanked those who have been put in a position of authority over us, who choose to protect and serve us, instead of just expect them to "do their job"?

What if we thanked that random person who held the subway door open for us to get on the train, or the person who stood an extra 10 seconds to hold the door open into the gas station, instead of rushing past them because we are on a mission?

What if we randomly sent a note of thanks, or a gift, to someone who has helped mold and shape us into the people we are today, instead of just thinking they know that they are part of the reason we are who we are now?

Sometimes it's the fewest words that can make a world of difference.

If we start treating people as we want to be treated, the focus is taken off ourselves and put onto the good in others. Our perspective will change. Our attitude will change. Our lives will change.

And we will change the lives of those around us.

Tell someone "Thank you" today.

Until next time,

Jenny

Living Eulogy // Dianne Swenson

This Living Eulogy post is going to be a little different than most posts I will be sharing. This is to a woman I've met once or twice. A woman that I wouldn't know if she was in a crowd. A woman that I've never held a conversation with that last longer than a minute. A woman that I don't even have a picture of to show you.

This woman is Dianne Swenson.

This woman has changed my life.

Dianne isn't someone who is famous, or has written any sort of life changing book (that I know of). She isn't someone who has spoken at some conference that I attended. She's never even said anything to me that impacted me. (Again, this goes with the fact I've never held a real conversation with her.)

When I was 8 years old I moved to northern Minnesota, to Detroit Lakes, with my family. We began attending a church called Lakes Area Word Fellowship. This church was located in a tiny little town called Vergas. This church is lead by an amazing man of God; Larry Vosika.

My family became a part of this church and I spent the next 8 years attending Sunday and Wednesday services, prayer nights, drama team, youth group, special speakers, the list goes on. If the doors were open, my family was most likely there. Our pastor though, he was there all the time. If he wasn't there, he was out with someone from the church. He has devoted his time, love and self to the members of his church. Larry has changed the lives of many, MANY people. I'm included in that.

"Jenny, you were talking about Dianne."

Yes, yes I was.

Dianne is Larry's sister.

Every so often, you'll hear Pastor Larry talk about his sister. You'll hear him talk about how, when he was in a TERRIBLE place in life, she prayed for him. You'll hear him give credit to her for the fact that he came to know Jesus. You'll hear him talk about how she was the one who brought him to God. She was the one who showed him the love of God and loved him to Jesus.

If it wouldn't have been for Dianne, Pastor Larry would, most likely, not be the pastor at Lakes Area Word Fellowship. He would, most likely, not have impacted the hundreds and hundreds of lives that he has with the love of God. He would, most likely, not have brought so many people to God.

Dianne prayed. Dianne loved. Dianne prayed.

So often, I don't feel like prayer is enough. I think to myself, 'Well, I guess all I can do is pray.' 

What?! 

I'm learning that prayer is so much more powerful than I've ever imagined. I've begun to see, more and more, how prayer is THE ANSWER. It's never the final straw. We should be doing everything prayerfully! Philippians 4:6 & 7 says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Prayer makes such a difference. And then going that step further. Not only praying TO God, but listening too. Not only saying words to Him, asking Him for things, but allowing Him to show you what to do! Its out of those instructions that you will begin to impact the right people. You'll be love to everyone. You just might change the world.

I've recently been learning about a man named Barnabas. I was listening to an AMAZING sermon by Kris Vallotton from Bethel Church [click here to hear it yourself!] and he began talking about Barnabas.

Barnabas believed in Paul (at that time, Saul). Barnabas saw the potential that God had placed in this man named Saul. This man had killed tens of thousands of Christians (Kris compares him to a modern day ISIS), and one day Jesus appears to him and he turns from his ways, wants to get in with the apostles, and become one of them! Could you imagine the confusion? The worry? These apostles had no idea of Saul was sincere or not!

Barnabas knew.

Barnabas knew that God had a plan for him. He went with Paul and traveled with him, bringing him to the apostles and standing up for him, showing them that Paul meant what he said about his life change.

Barnabas never wrote one chapter in the Bible. However, there are 13 books in the Bible that wouldn't be there, had it not been for Barnabas.

Dianne is a Barnabas. Dianne has impacted and changed hundreds, maybe even thousands, of lives because of the belief that she had in Larry. Dianne is a world changer.

I frequently think about the people who are Barnabas'; the person that led Billy Graham to the Lord, Smith Wigglesworth's wife, the words spoken to Kenneth Hagin Sr., the love shared with Todd White. All of these people have impacted hundreds of thousands of lives, because of the one person they touched.

What a testimony. What an amazing story. What a beautiful thing.

Thank you, Dianne. Thank you for praying for your brother. Thank you for showing him the love of the God that you know so well. Thank you for seeing something more in him. Thank you for changing the lives of hundreds and hundreds of people. I know you give God the credit, but He needed a vessel to work through. Thank you for being obedient. You have made an impact.

Love,

Jenny

Year 26.

My birthday is today.

I'm officially 27. 

Let me tell you, this year is already off to a MUCH better start than last year.

Last year, on June 30th, I was admitted into the hospital. I spent the next 7 days sitting in a hospital bed, for the second time in a 1.5 month period. 

As many know, in April of 2014, I gave birth to our amazing little boy in our home. If you haven't, and you want to, you can read about the birth story by [clicking here]. Everything went perfect. It was long... but one of the most amazing things I've ever been a part of. I'm so thankful I had that experience and will do it over again, in a heartbeat, if that is what God directs us to do with our future children.

Moments after Little ATJ was born. Just perfect.

Three weeks after giving birth to ATJ, I began to feel really, really sick. I was so sore in my abdomen, and I just believed that I was having a normal postpartum experience. This was my first baby, how was I supposed to know that you're not supposed to reel in pain if you hit a bump on the road while you're driving in the car? After two weeks of the pain getting worse and worse, along with me feeling drained to the point of needing to sleep all the time, while feeling miserable because I just wanted to be better and be with my baby, I ended up in Urgent Care. On May 25th I was admitted into the hospital. I was told I had abscesses in both of my ovaries, and that they needed to be drained.

(Just a side note; the doctors said they had no idea when or where this originated, and did not believe it was related in any way to me having a homebirth)

My amazing husband, sleeping in a chair so he could stay with me.

This is where I began to see the hand of God over me. Here I thought He'd left me out to dry... when in reality He'd been there all along. I was told, at this point, that my doctors were so surprised I hadn't gone septic; in which case I would have most likely died. When they drained my ovaries they pulled out 150mL from my right ovary, and 115mL from the other. That is over FIVE oz from one and almost FOUR oz from the other! The average ovaries range from the size of a nickel to the size of a quarter... and mine were holding about half a cup of fluid in each! Talk about the hand of God protecting me!

The doctors wanted to do a full hysterectomy. They wanted to take away my ability to have children. I know that there have been many women who have gone through this, but I knew this was not the thing for me to do. I KNEW that God told me I would birth more children, and I had no doubt in that. I declined to surgery and chose antibiotics. Although my doctor was rather skeptical, he heeded my request and only gave me the antibiotics.

I spent the week getting better and better, I couldn't BELIEVE how much better I felt. I had seriously forgotten what it felt like to feel well. It's an amazing thing when you begin to feel healthy again! Everything got back to normal & they released me from the hospital. I had some after surgery care to do, but I was SO HAPPY to be done with everything. My summer could officially begin!

One of my favorite pictures of me with my little goofball. We went and watched Daddy's soccer game!

Then, as I said when I started this post... June 30th came. I was told, when checking out of the hospital after my first visit, that I needed to make sure I didn't spike any fevers. This would imply that an infection was back and I needed to come in right away.

That day I was at my grandparents and I just felt so warm. I checked my temperature and I was at a temp of 102. I called the doctor to let them know, and they told me I needed to come in right away. We left for the clinic and I was just praying that I wouldn't need to be admitted again. It was my birthday the next day! I felt totally fine, besides this little fever. I was desperate and angry, crying out to God to make it better so I wouldn't have to be admitted and miss out on another week of summer.

Tears welled up in my eyes as my doctor said, "I'm really sorry, but I really don't think we can let you leave. We need to admit you into the hospital again." Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. Those were words to describe how I was feeling. Why? Why wasn't it gone? Did I not have enough faith? Was I doing something wrong? Why??? And seriously, WHY ON THE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY???

I was thankful my sweet baby could be in the hospital with me so often. I missed him!

Again, my doctor wanted to do a hysterectomy. And again, I KNEW this was not was I was supposed to do. I told him I would do antibiotics for as long as I needed, but I did not want the surgery.

I spent the next 7 days praying and seeking God on why I was still in there. The question slowly started turning from "Why am I here?" to "What is the glory this is going to bring You?" Not because I doubted there would be glory brought to God, but because I was truly becoming excited that I was going to see some amazing things come from this. God is not the one who brought sickness upon me, the Bible says that God only gives us life, and life to the absolute fullest (John 10:10). I knew that God was going to be able to take this, and turn it around for His good (Romans 8:28). I became exceedingly excited to see what it was.

I was released from the hospital on July 7th. This time, I knew I wasn't going to be going back. I had full confidence that things were over and done with. Even if there was small traces of everything currently in my body, I would not be going back for another stay in the hospital. I would be finishing out my antibiotics and not going to anymore doctor appointments. I was through with this issue.

Taken by Joel on the day I got home from the hospital for the second time. I was so happy to be outside!

I was on antibiotics for a full 6 months before everything was cleared and I could "take the leap of faith" and go off of them. My doctor said we would just have to see if I was in the clear, or if I would need to, someday, get a hysterectomy to guarantee everything was done. He informed me that he doesn't believe I'll ever be able to have children again. He believes that my reproductive system is too damaged to even get pregnant. I'm not concerned. I've been assured by my Heavenly Father that I'll have more little ones, and I'm excited to one day send my doctor a birth announcement; thanking him for listening to me when I said I didn't want the hysterectomy.

The story doesn't end here.

A couple months back I began feeling a tenderness in my abdomen again. It was a familiar, dull pain that I recognized instantly. I knew I had something going on in my ovaries. This time though, I prayed about it and felt led to see a naturalist doctor who specializes in dealing with infections. He gave me instructions on things to cut out of my diet so that I could fully kill the infection, officially getting rid of whatever was there and knowing that they were dead and gone... not to come back. It's not a permanent diet change, but a temporary one, only to be done until the infection is gone.

Yesterday, I received an official "you are done!" from my doctor. I no longer have any infection in any of my reproductive system. I am set. I am ready to go. I can KNOW that I am cleared up. I'm not wondering if, someday, I'll begin to feel that pain again. I know that it is gone. I know that I am healed, healthy and whole.

There are so many things that I feel I'm leaving out of the story. I'll write about them, someday, if I'm supposed to. But I know this:

Last year, on June 30th, I was being admitted into the hospital for the second time, for an issue that was supposedly cleared up and done with. I had gone through a minor surgery and I had been on antibiotics for about a month already, yet none of this had fixed the issue.

This year, on June 30th, I was told I don't need to be concerned about it again. I spent 6 weeks watching what I was eating and taking natural herbs and vitamins. I know that my body is back to the way it should be. I have no doubts or questions.

God created our bodies to be amazing instruments. I found a doctor who knows how to read the signs and symptoms our bodies are giving and works with it to kill off the bad and continue to produce more of the good.

This year is off to a much better start. God has given me the gift of a beautiful testimony from something that looked so bleak. I'm able to excitedly say that I'm clean. My body is whole. I've seen God work and take care of me and my family. I'm so excited to see what's next.

Year 27, you're going to be a good one. I'm ready for you.

I know I just used this photo in another post, but it's the perfect representation of how I'm feeling about this next year.

Until next time,
Jenny

Living Eulogy // Amity Gray

Yesterday, I announced the new series that I'm starting called "Living Eulogy." To understand what this is and why I'm doing it, you can [click here]. I said I'd be doing them on Mondays, but since yesterday was the ANNOUNCEMENT day, I'm going to do a post today.

My first Living Eulogy is to one amazing woman:

Amity is one of the kindest and most gentle hearted people you could ever meet. Her smile is sincere, and her spirit is so soft. The idea of someone going without, or being in need of something, drives this woman to help out everyone she possibly can.

I met Amity when I was in high school in 2004. We would pass by one another in the hallways, but never officially introduced ourselves to one another until we worked at Subway together. We had a lot of fun during our shifts, but it was more in an acquaintance sort of way.

Fast forward to February of 2014: Amity messaged me because of something a friend had told her about, that our church does, and she wanted to get together and chat about some things. I told her I'd definitely get together and talk! Our little conversation turned into hours of amazing, in depth, discussion about God, life & what He wants to do in our lives. Since then we've started weekly get togethers to dig in deeper and seek God even more in what His plan is for us and for those around us.

As I've grown to know and love Amity more and more, I cannot help but be pushed and encouraged to follow and pursue God with the same passion and fire this woman has. If she's reading this right now, I know she is saying (with a very specific facial expression that I can picture in my head as I type), "Jenny... I'm not perfect." And my reply would be, "I know, Amity."

It's in that acknowledgement of imperfection that she allows herself to be vulnerable and open in the presence of the Lord. To see that He is the one who fulfills her, completes her, and molds her into the amazing woman of God He has planned her to be. She isn't too prideful for God to work on. She knows that she can always be moving ahead in her walk with Him and in the walk He has her on here on this earth.

Amity is married to an amazing man and has two wonderful children. The relationship that I've seen Amity & Elgin have is such a beautiful and inspiring one. They are striving to be the parents that God has intended them to be, and they are always working TOGETHER to achieve that. They support one another in ways that so few couples do, and they back one another up. They are truly a team. They know that in order to get anywhere as a family, it needs to be led by them, while they're being led by God.

One of my favorite things about Amity is definitely all the questions she asks. She'll text me randomly and just ask something like, "So, what did God mean here... I've been praying about it and I think He meant this... how do you see it?" or "I was reading the bible and I found this... what are your thoughts?" Her questions are always pushing me to dive in deeper in MY relationship with God.

This woman is an influencer. This woman is a world changer. This woman is a beautiful child of God. I'm so blessed to know her and to have a friendship with her that grows deeper and deeper in our relationship with each other and the Heavenly Father.

Thank you, Amity. 

Thank you for being you. For knowing that you are enough, and exactly who God wanted you to be. Thank you for pushing me to God. Thank you for the questions. Thank you for the conversations. Thank you for the friendship.

Love,

Jenny

And for the sake of entertainment:

This is the original face she made when I said I wanted to take a photo of her.

Living Eulogy Series // Telling Them NOW.

If you were to ask me what my vision in life is, I would tell you that I want people to realize that they are important. I want people to realize that their stories here on earth matter.

I'm a photographer, and I've had the amazing privilege of photographing stories of people in all walks of life. Some of these walks have resulted in heartbreak. I remember one photo session I had done with a family... they were such a precious family! They were laughing through their entire photo session and they were just having a genuinely good time together. I knew this family was one that had a whole lot of love for one another. The dad made me chuckle, as he seemed a bit more of a stoic type of fellow. But his adult sons and wife cracked him up time and time again. The smiles... oh, the smiles that happened during that photo session... it was something beautiful.

I received an email a few months after I'd photographed this family. A close friend of theirs was wondering if he could have permission to use some of his graphic design skills on one of my photos, and print it out for the family... as the dad had just passed away from cancer. Of course I said, "Yes! Please do!" I was so heartbroken to hear about this situation... and it made me realize how important what I do is. I've heard time and time again about how the family photos at a wedding are sometimes the last photos that people will have together.

I'm not here to promote my business, that's not my reasoning for this post at all. I'm simply writing this because I've realized how important and short life is. We have certain people with us for only so long. Whether they pass away, or it's just a season of life that they're around, people impact our lives forever. Yet, many of them have no idea how they've touched our hearts, or how much they've impacted our life.

It is because of this that I'm going to be starting a series called 'Living Eulogy.'

So often, people never hear how important they are. They never realize that the one time they stopped by, just out of the blue, just made your day. Or that the one time they smiled and asked you how you were doing, it was just what you needed. Or the amount of time and hours they've spent on the phone with you, that you needed every one of those moments.

Mondays will be my Living Eulogy post days. Mondays can be a day that drags a bit. They are the start to the work week and people can be a little reluctant to get back to work. I want people to feel a bit of inspiration on Mondays.

I will be writing posts, not in order of importance to me, but prayerfully. I'll be sending a handwritten letter of the same post to whomever it is that I've written the post about.

Whether anyone besides the person I'm writing about reads the post or not, I don't care. I'm writing these publicly, because that is how a eulogy is done. But this is a living eulogy. This is a time for me to say just how important someone is to me. What they have done in my life. Why they matter. The difference they are making.

But I'm doing this with a challenge.

I want to challenge you to tell people what they mean. Don't wait until someday, when you're at that person's funeral, telling all of their loved ones. Tell them now.

Until next time,
Jenny

...dance until we die.

I have a tattoo.
Actually, I have two tattoos.
But for the sake of this blog post, we're starting with, 

"I have a tattoo."

Taken by Natasha Brainard with the iPhone 6

The tattoo was thought up about 7 years ago with one of my best friends: Abby. I also refer to her as Schmabs, in case that comes up later. 

Abby poses for me when we're having a friend date and I find a new photography spot I want to try out.

Anyways, Abby and I had decided years ago to get a tattoo using our favorite line from our favorite road tripping song, Say This Sooner by The Almost (watch the music video here). The line goes, "I love the way that we laugh until we cry... dance until we die." Abby is always laughing, and I'm always dancing around. We decided that would be perfect for us.

Fast forward 7 years... we FINALLY went and got the tattoos together! (At least we knew we wanted really wanted them!)

Getting my tattoo at Just Another Hole in Tulsa, OK!

It's the perfect song for us, and I'm so happy we got it. They're our Best Friend tattoos, and it's all cute and stuff.

BUT.

There is another reason this line applies so much to my life.

I can't tell you how many times God has used my life as an example of a dance.

I love dance. I've been obsessed with ballet since I was the age of 3. It only makes sense that something that has always peaked my interest would be the way God decides to communicate love and a relationship with Him.

Taken by Natasha Brainard with the iPhone 6 (in the most dreamy lighting tonight!)

If I choose to do this dance called 'life' all on my own, it'll probably turn out alright. I'm sure it'll have some pretty parts, and maybe even bring forth an applause or two. I'm sure it would result in countless hours of trying to figure out exactly how to get things done and just how to make sure I do every step just right. It would be a lonely dance, as I'd always be trying to show just how good I really am. Which, honestly, means no one else can join... as they may take away the spotlight.

But, if I choose to do this dance called 'life' with the Master Choreographer; not only will my steps be made for me, with every twirl and step in perfect rhythm; setting me up for the next step. But I'll also be dancing with a world full of people who have been placed in my life at the exact time that I need them to dance with me, beside me, or just on the stage with me.

I'm learning that my life was meant to be choreographed. I'm made to dance with others. I'm made to allow my God to lead me in the most beautiful dance I could ever be a part of. People are going to step in and step out. Some people will step into my life and dance the rest of my dance with me. Some will only be here for a bit. The purpose of my dance is to create a beautiful piece of art that people will watch and see nothing but the Creator.

I want to reflect God in everything I do. I want to respond to people in the way that God would respond to people. I want to dance with people just as God leads me to dance with people.

This tattoo is a reminder of that.

Taken by Natasha Brainard with the iPhone 6

Every time I see this tattoo I'm reminded that my life is not meant to be my own. I don't want to have a "one hit wonder" type of life. I don't want the art and dance steps of it to fade as generations come and go after me. I want every step that I took here on earth to have been a part of the dance that set up someone else for their part. When I can dance with the One who knows the end from the beginning, why wouldn't I want to? I can know that every step will be exactly when and where it should be. I can know that this dance is not my own. It's to reflect the art of my Creator... and that's what I intend to do.

You've probably heard the saying, "Dance like nobody's watching." I like that saying. I realize, for most people, it means that where they'd normally feel weird, they should just do it like no one cares.

But I like to dance like I'm being watched. Dance like I'm being watched by my Heavenly Father. Just like a little girl will put on a dress and twirl for her Daddy, or for anyone who will watch. 

She feels beautiful. She feels loved. She feels like she is something.

I want to live my life beautifully. I want to live my life loved. I want to live my life as something.

And that is why I will dance until I die.

Until next time,

Jenny