"Thank you."

There are many times that we go through life feeling unappreciated. We feel unloved. We feel unacknowledged. We feel like we work hard and it's to no avail; in our jobs, in our home, in our day to day life.

"...In everything, in every circumstance, do to others as you would have them do to you." Matthew 7:12 (The Voice Bible)

What if we started saying 'Thank you'?

What if we said 'thank you', everyday, to the soldiers who sacrifice their lives for us on the regular, instead of only on the holidays that are devoted to them?

What if we thanked our children for the amazing and good things they do on the regular day to day, instead of only scold them when they're bad?

What if we thanked those who have been put in a position of authority over us, who choose to protect and serve us, instead of just expect them to "do their job"?

What if we thanked that random person who held the subway door open for us to get on the train, or the person who stood an extra 10 seconds to hold the door open into the gas station, instead of rushing past them because we are on a mission?

What if we randomly sent a note of thanks, or a gift, to someone who has helped mold and shape us into the people we are today, instead of just thinking they know that they are part of the reason we are who we are now?

Sometimes it's the fewest words that can make a world of difference.

If we start treating people as we want to be treated, the focus is taken off ourselves and put onto the good in others. Our perspective will change. Our attitude will change. Our lives will change.

And we will change the lives of those around us.

Tell someone "Thank you" today.

Until next time,

Jenny

Living Eulogy // Dianne Swenson

This Living Eulogy post is going to be a little different than most posts I will be sharing. This is to a woman I've met once or twice. A woman that I wouldn't know if she was in a crowd. A woman that I've never held a conversation with that last longer than a minute. A woman that I don't even have a picture of to show you.

This woman is Dianne Swenson.

This woman has changed my life.

Dianne isn't someone who is famous, or has written any sort of life changing book (that I know of). She isn't someone who has spoken at some conference that I attended. She's never even said anything to me that impacted me. (Again, this goes with the fact I've never held a real conversation with her.)

When I was 8 years old I moved to northern Minnesota, to Detroit Lakes, with my family. We began attending a church called Lakes Area Word Fellowship. This church was located in a tiny little town called Vergas. This church is lead by an amazing man of God; Larry Vosika.

My family became a part of this church and I spent the next 8 years attending Sunday and Wednesday services, prayer nights, drama team, youth group, special speakers, the list goes on. If the doors were open, my family was most likely there. Our pastor though, he was there all the time. If he wasn't there, he was out with someone from the church. He has devoted his time, love and self to the members of his church. Larry has changed the lives of many, MANY people. I'm included in that.

"Jenny, you were talking about Dianne."

Yes, yes I was.

Dianne is Larry's sister.

Every so often, you'll hear Pastor Larry talk about his sister. You'll hear him talk about how, when he was in a TERRIBLE place in life, she prayed for him. You'll hear him give credit to her for the fact that he came to know Jesus. You'll hear him talk about how she was the one who brought him to God. She was the one who showed him the love of God and loved him to Jesus.

If it wouldn't have been for Dianne, Pastor Larry would, most likely, not be the pastor at Lakes Area Word Fellowship. He would, most likely, not have impacted the hundreds and hundreds of lives that he has with the love of God. He would, most likely, not have brought so many people to God.

Dianne prayed. Dianne loved. Dianne prayed.

So often, I don't feel like prayer is enough. I think to myself, 'Well, I guess all I can do is pray.' 

What?! 

I'm learning that prayer is so much more powerful than I've ever imagined. I've begun to see, more and more, how prayer is THE ANSWER. It's never the final straw. We should be doing everything prayerfully! Philippians 4:6 & 7 says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known unto God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

Prayer makes such a difference. And then going that step further. Not only praying TO God, but listening too. Not only saying words to Him, asking Him for things, but allowing Him to show you what to do! Its out of those instructions that you will begin to impact the right people. You'll be love to everyone. You just might change the world.

I've recently been learning about a man named Barnabas. I was listening to an AMAZING sermon by Kris Vallotton from Bethel Church [click here to hear it yourself!] and he began talking about Barnabas.

Barnabas believed in Paul (at that time, Saul). Barnabas saw the potential that God had placed in this man named Saul. This man had killed tens of thousands of Christians (Kris compares him to a modern day ISIS), and one day Jesus appears to him and he turns from his ways, wants to get in with the apostles, and become one of them! Could you imagine the confusion? The worry? These apostles had no idea of Saul was sincere or not!

Barnabas knew.

Barnabas knew that God had a plan for him. He went with Paul and traveled with him, bringing him to the apostles and standing up for him, showing them that Paul meant what he said about his life change.

Barnabas never wrote one chapter in the Bible. However, there are 13 books in the Bible that wouldn't be there, had it not been for Barnabas.

Dianne is a Barnabas. Dianne has impacted and changed hundreds, maybe even thousands, of lives because of the belief that she had in Larry. Dianne is a world changer.

I frequently think about the people who are Barnabas'; the person that led Billy Graham to the Lord, Smith Wigglesworth's wife, the words spoken to Kenneth Hagin Sr., the love shared with Todd White. All of these people have impacted hundreds of thousands of lives, because of the one person they touched.

What a testimony. What an amazing story. What a beautiful thing.

Thank you, Dianne. Thank you for praying for your brother. Thank you for showing him the love of the God that you know so well. Thank you for seeing something more in him. Thank you for changing the lives of hundreds and hundreds of people. I know you give God the credit, but He needed a vessel to work through. Thank you for being obedient. You have made an impact.

Love,

Jenny

Living Eulogy // Robin Juni

Robin Juni is one of the most interesting, giving & sincere women I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I'm so very thankful I get to call her family.

Robin became "Aunt Robin" when I married Joel in May of 2009. When it comes to in-laws, I'm one blessed woman. Robin is one of the most accepting people; who made me feel like a part of the family as soon as I was Joel's girlfriend. I remember the Christmas before Joel and I got married, we were celebrating with his dad's side of the family. Robin & Dave (her hubby) gave me a necklace from Egypt. It was so thoughtful, and it spoke so much to me. If I remember right, they had gone to Egypt before Joel and I were even engaged. The fact that they had thought about me months before Christmastime, or even before I was "officially" going to be a part of the family, was just so touching.

Robin is one who is ready to help at any given moment. There have been countless times that she has offered us advice, given us amazing counsel and supported us in our many (not so conventional) journeys of life. She will always ask a lot of questions, to make SURE that you are doing what you should be doing, but it is all to really get you thinking and prepare you. Even though there may have been times that we've made her a bit uneasy in our decisions, she is alway there telling us that she supports us and is always there for us. I can't tell you how many amazing resources she has provided to both Joel and I. She is somehow able to locate a textbook for literally anything under the sun. (Granted... she is an assistant dean at a law school.) We each get a book on something very relevant to our lives every Christmas. You can tell she puts time and thought into each book that we receive. You can tell she has put a lot of time and thought into us, and what would be the best option for us this year. My love language is gift giving. I read into the gifts that I receive. I think about the thought that went into them, and I appreciate them even more when I know that it was truly a gift from the heart. Aunt Robin gives from the heart every single time she gifts something.

Joel and I went on a "Round the U.S." road trip a couple of years back and we got to stay with Aunt Robin in Washington D.C. for a couple of days. We had so much fun roaming around The Mall and some of her other favorite locations. She is quite the tour guide! We were so grateful to have that time with her, and I'll never forget our wonderful breakfast at that awesome little cafe she took us to: Table Talk. The time we spent with her in D.C. was short; but full of laughter, conversation and good memories.

Robin has a heart of gold. When you talk to her, you know that she is listening. Her body language and her engagement in conversation always makes you feel like you're being listened to. Not just listened to, but heard. I've had so many conversations with her that, even if we didn't agree, I knew she heard and respected what I had to say; she respected me as a person. I truly believe that Robin is such a respected woman, and in such a respected position, because of the respect that she gives others. 

Thank you, Aunt Robin, for being the amazing influence that you are. Thank you, for the love and respect that you give to your nieces & nephews, and to your niece "in law". You are an amazing woman who is such a beautiful influence on our lives. We have appreciated all of your help, input, love and support. Thank you for all of the questions that make us think. Thank you for all of the cards of encouragement and love. Thank you for loving Little ATJ so much, and being such an amazing great aunt. Thank you for accepting me into the family with arms open wide, and a big kiss on the cheek. You are a beautiful woman, Aunt Robin. We love and cherish you so much.

Love,

Jenny

To better understand the Living Eulogy series [click here].

Year 26.

My birthday is today.

I'm officially 27. 

Let me tell you, this year is already off to a MUCH better start than last year.

Last year, on June 30th, I was admitted into the hospital. I spent the next 7 days sitting in a hospital bed, for the second time in a 1.5 month period. 

As many know, in April of 2014, I gave birth to our amazing little boy in our home. If you haven't, and you want to, you can read about the birth story by [clicking here]. Everything went perfect. It was long... but one of the most amazing things I've ever been a part of. I'm so thankful I had that experience and will do it over again, in a heartbeat, if that is what God directs us to do with our future children.

Moments after Little ATJ was born. Just perfect.

Three weeks after giving birth to ATJ, I began to feel really, really sick. I was so sore in my abdomen, and I just believed that I was having a normal postpartum experience. This was my first baby, how was I supposed to know that you're not supposed to reel in pain if you hit a bump on the road while you're driving in the car? After two weeks of the pain getting worse and worse, along with me feeling drained to the point of needing to sleep all the time, while feeling miserable because I just wanted to be better and be with my baby, I ended up in Urgent Care. On May 25th I was admitted into the hospital. I was told I had abscesses in both of my ovaries, and that they needed to be drained.

(Just a side note; the doctors said they had no idea when or where this originated, and did not believe it was related in any way to me having a homebirth)

My amazing husband, sleeping in a chair so he could stay with me.

This is where I began to see the hand of God over me. Here I thought He'd left me out to dry... when in reality He'd been there all along. I was told, at this point, that my doctors were so surprised I hadn't gone septic; in which case I would have most likely died. When they drained my ovaries they pulled out 150mL from my right ovary, and 115mL from the other. That is over FIVE oz from one and almost FOUR oz from the other! The average ovaries range from the size of a nickel to the size of a quarter... and mine were holding about half a cup of fluid in each! Talk about the hand of God protecting me!

The doctors wanted to do a full hysterectomy. They wanted to take away my ability to have children. I know that there have been many women who have gone through this, but I knew this was not the thing for me to do. I KNEW that God told me I would birth more children, and I had no doubt in that. I declined to surgery and chose antibiotics. Although my doctor was rather skeptical, he heeded my request and only gave me the antibiotics.

I spent the week getting better and better, I couldn't BELIEVE how much better I felt. I had seriously forgotten what it felt like to feel well. It's an amazing thing when you begin to feel healthy again! Everything got back to normal & they released me from the hospital. I had some after surgery care to do, but I was SO HAPPY to be done with everything. My summer could officially begin!

One of my favorite pictures of me with my little goofball. We went and watched Daddy's soccer game!

Then, as I said when I started this post... June 30th came. I was told, when checking out of the hospital after my first visit, that I needed to make sure I didn't spike any fevers. This would imply that an infection was back and I needed to come in right away.

That day I was at my grandparents and I just felt so warm. I checked my temperature and I was at a temp of 102. I called the doctor to let them know, and they told me I needed to come in right away. We left for the clinic and I was just praying that I wouldn't need to be admitted again. It was my birthday the next day! I felt totally fine, besides this little fever. I was desperate and angry, crying out to God to make it better so I wouldn't have to be admitted and miss out on another week of summer.

Tears welled up in my eyes as my doctor said, "I'm really sorry, but I really don't think we can let you leave. We need to admit you into the hospital again." Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. Those were words to describe how I was feeling. Why? Why wasn't it gone? Did I not have enough faith? Was I doing something wrong? Why??? And seriously, WHY ON THE DAY BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY???

I was thankful my sweet baby could be in the hospital with me so often. I missed him!

Again, my doctor wanted to do a hysterectomy. And again, I KNEW this was not was I was supposed to do. I told him I would do antibiotics for as long as I needed, but I did not want the surgery.

I spent the next 7 days praying and seeking God on why I was still in there. The question slowly started turning from "Why am I here?" to "What is the glory this is going to bring You?" Not because I doubted there would be glory brought to God, but because I was truly becoming excited that I was going to see some amazing things come from this. God is not the one who brought sickness upon me, the Bible says that God only gives us life, and life to the absolute fullest (John 10:10). I knew that God was going to be able to take this, and turn it around for His good (Romans 8:28). I became exceedingly excited to see what it was.

I was released from the hospital on July 7th. This time, I knew I wasn't going to be going back. I had full confidence that things were over and done with. Even if there was small traces of everything currently in my body, I would not be going back for another stay in the hospital. I would be finishing out my antibiotics and not going to anymore doctor appointments. I was through with this issue.

Taken by Joel on the day I got home from the hospital for the second time. I was so happy to be outside!

I was on antibiotics for a full 6 months before everything was cleared and I could "take the leap of faith" and go off of them. My doctor said we would just have to see if I was in the clear, or if I would need to, someday, get a hysterectomy to guarantee everything was done. He informed me that he doesn't believe I'll ever be able to have children again. He believes that my reproductive system is too damaged to even get pregnant. I'm not concerned. I've been assured by my Heavenly Father that I'll have more little ones, and I'm excited to one day send my doctor a birth announcement; thanking him for listening to me when I said I didn't want the hysterectomy.

The story doesn't end here.

A couple months back I began feeling a tenderness in my abdomen again. It was a familiar, dull pain that I recognized instantly. I knew I had something going on in my ovaries. This time though, I prayed about it and felt led to see a naturalist doctor who specializes in dealing with infections. He gave me instructions on things to cut out of my diet so that I could fully kill the infection, officially getting rid of whatever was there and knowing that they were dead and gone... not to come back. It's not a permanent diet change, but a temporary one, only to be done until the infection is gone.

Yesterday, I received an official "you are done!" from my doctor. I no longer have any infection in any of my reproductive system. I am set. I am ready to go. I can KNOW that I am cleared up. I'm not wondering if, someday, I'll begin to feel that pain again. I know that it is gone. I know that I am healed, healthy and whole.

There are so many things that I feel I'm leaving out of the story. I'll write about them, someday, if I'm supposed to. But I know this:

Last year, on June 30th, I was being admitted into the hospital for the second time, for an issue that was supposedly cleared up and done with. I had gone through a minor surgery and I had been on antibiotics for about a month already, yet none of this had fixed the issue.

This year, on June 30th, I was told I don't need to be concerned about it again. I spent 6 weeks watching what I was eating and taking natural herbs and vitamins. I know that my body is back to the way it should be. I have no doubts or questions.

God created our bodies to be amazing instruments. I found a doctor who knows how to read the signs and symptoms our bodies are giving and works with it to kill off the bad and continue to produce more of the good.

This year is off to a much better start. God has given me the gift of a beautiful testimony from something that looked so bleak. I'm able to excitedly say that I'm clean. My body is whole. I've seen God work and take care of me and my family. I'm so excited to see what's next.

Year 27, you're going to be a good one. I'm ready for you.

I know I just used this photo in another post, but it's the perfect representation of how I'm feeling about this next year.

Until next time,
Jenny

Living Eulogy // Amity Gray

Yesterday, I announced the new series that I'm starting called "Living Eulogy." To understand what this is and why I'm doing it, you can [click here]. I said I'd be doing them on Mondays, but since yesterday was the ANNOUNCEMENT day, I'm going to do a post today.

My first Living Eulogy is to one amazing woman:

Amity is one of the kindest and most gentle hearted people you could ever meet. Her smile is sincere, and her spirit is so soft. The idea of someone going without, or being in need of something, drives this woman to help out everyone she possibly can.

I met Amity when I was in high school in 2004. We would pass by one another in the hallways, but never officially introduced ourselves to one another until we worked at Subway together. We had a lot of fun during our shifts, but it was more in an acquaintance sort of way.

Fast forward to February of 2014: Amity messaged me because of something a friend had told her about, that our church does, and she wanted to get together and chat about some things. I told her I'd definitely get together and talk! Our little conversation turned into hours of amazing, in depth, discussion about God, life & what He wants to do in our lives. Since then we've started weekly get togethers to dig in deeper and seek God even more in what His plan is for us and for those around us.

As I've grown to know and love Amity more and more, I cannot help but be pushed and encouraged to follow and pursue God with the same passion and fire this woman has. If she's reading this right now, I know she is saying (with a very specific facial expression that I can picture in my head as I type), "Jenny... I'm not perfect." And my reply would be, "I know, Amity."

It's in that acknowledgement of imperfection that she allows herself to be vulnerable and open in the presence of the Lord. To see that He is the one who fulfills her, completes her, and molds her into the amazing woman of God He has planned her to be. She isn't too prideful for God to work on. She knows that she can always be moving ahead in her walk with Him and in the walk He has her on here on this earth.

Amity is married to an amazing man and has two wonderful children. The relationship that I've seen Amity & Elgin have is such a beautiful and inspiring one. They are striving to be the parents that God has intended them to be, and they are always working TOGETHER to achieve that. They support one another in ways that so few couples do, and they back one another up. They are truly a team. They know that in order to get anywhere as a family, it needs to be led by them, while they're being led by God.

One of my favorite things about Amity is definitely all the questions she asks. She'll text me randomly and just ask something like, "So, what did God mean here... I've been praying about it and I think He meant this... how do you see it?" or "I was reading the bible and I found this... what are your thoughts?" Her questions are always pushing me to dive in deeper in MY relationship with God.

This woman is an influencer. This woman is a world changer. This woman is a beautiful child of God. I'm so blessed to know her and to have a friendship with her that grows deeper and deeper in our relationship with each other and the Heavenly Father.

Thank you, Amity. 

Thank you for being you. For knowing that you are enough, and exactly who God wanted you to be. Thank you for pushing me to God. Thank you for the questions. Thank you for the conversations. Thank you for the friendship.

Love,

Jenny

And for the sake of entertainment:

This is the original face she made when I said I wanted to take a photo of her.

Living Eulogy Series // Telling Them NOW.

If you were to ask me what my vision in life is, I would tell you that I want people to realize that they are important. I want people to realize that their stories here on earth matter.

I'm a photographer, and I've had the amazing privilege of photographing stories of people in all walks of life. Some of these walks have resulted in heartbreak. I remember one photo session I had done with a family... they were such a precious family! They were laughing through their entire photo session and they were just having a genuinely good time together. I knew this family was one that had a whole lot of love for one another. The dad made me chuckle, as he seemed a bit more of a stoic type of fellow. But his adult sons and wife cracked him up time and time again. The smiles... oh, the smiles that happened during that photo session... it was something beautiful.

I received an email a few months after I'd photographed this family. A close friend of theirs was wondering if he could have permission to use some of his graphic design skills on one of my photos, and print it out for the family... as the dad had just passed away from cancer. Of course I said, "Yes! Please do!" I was so heartbroken to hear about this situation... and it made me realize how important what I do is. I've heard time and time again about how the family photos at a wedding are sometimes the last photos that people will have together.

I'm not here to promote my business, that's not my reasoning for this post at all. I'm simply writing this because I've realized how important and short life is. We have certain people with us for only so long. Whether they pass away, or it's just a season of life that they're around, people impact our lives forever. Yet, many of them have no idea how they've touched our hearts, or how much they've impacted our life.

It is because of this that I'm going to be starting a series called 'Living Eulogy.'

So often, people never hear how important they are. They never realize that the one time they stopped by, just out of the blue, just made your day. Or that the one time they smiled and asked you how you were doing, it was just what you needed. Or the amount of time and hours they've spent on the phone with you, that you needed every one of those moments.

Mondays will be my Living Eulogy post days. Mondays can be a day that drags a bit. They are the start to the work week and people can be a little reluctant to get back to work. I want people to feel a bit of inspiration on Mondays.

I will be writing posts, not in order of importance to me, but prayerfully. I'll be sending a handwritten letter of the same post to whomever it is that I've written the post about.

Whether anyone besides the person I'm writing about reads the post or not, I don't care. I'm writing these publicly, because that is how a eulogy is done. But this is a living eulogy. This is a time for me to say just how important someone is to me. What they have done in my life. Why they matter. The difference they are making.

But I'm doing this with a challenge.

I want to challenge you to tell people what they mean. Don't wait until someday, when you're at that person's funeral, telling all of their loved ones. Tell them now.

Until next time,
Jenny

...dance until we die.

I have a tattoo.
Actually, I have two tattoos.
But for the sake of this blog post, we're starting with, 

"I have a tattoo."

Taken by Natasha Brainard with the iPhone 6

The tattoo was thought up about 7 years ago with one of my best friends: Abby. I also refer to her as Schmabs, in case that comes up later. 

Abby poses for me when we're having a friend date and I find a new photography spot I want to try out.

Anyways, Abby and I had decided years ago to get a tattoo using our favorite line from our favorite road tripping song, Say This Sooner by The Almost (watch the music video here). The line goes, "I love the way that we laugh until we cry... dance until we die." Abby is always laughing, and I'm always dancing around. We decided that would be perfect for us.

Fast forward 7 years... we FINALLY went and got the tattoos together! (At least we knew we wanted really wanted them!)

Getting my tattoo at Just Another Hole in Tulsa, OK!

It's the perfect song for us, and I'm so happy we got it. They're our Best Friend tattoos, and it's all cute and stuff.

BUT.

There is another reason this line applies so much to my life.

I can't tell you how many times God has used my life as an example of a dance.

I love dance. I've been obsessed with ballet since I was the age of 3. It only makes sense that something that has always peaked my interest would be the way God decides to communicate love and a relationship with Him.

Taken by Natasha Brainard with the iPhone 6 (in the most dreamy lighting tonight!)

If I choose to do this dance called 'life' all on my own, it'll probably turn out alright. I'm sure it'll have some pretty parts, and maybe even bring forth an applause or two. I'm sure it would result in countless hours of trying to figure out exactly how to get things done and just how to make sure I do every step just right. It would be a lonely dance, as I'd always be trying to show just how good I really am. Which, honestly, means no one else can join... as they may take away the spotlight.

But, if I choose to do this dance called 'life' with the Master Choreographer; not only will my steps be made for me, with every twirl and step in perfect rhythm; setting me up for the next step. But I'll also be dancing with a world full of people who have been placed in my life at the exact time that I need them to dance with me, beside me, or just on the stage with me.

I'm learning that my life was meant to be choreographed. I'm made to dance with others. I'm made to allow my God to lead me in the most beautiful dance I could ever be a part of. People are going to step in and step out. Some people will step into my life and dance the rest of my dance with me. Some will only be here for a bit. The purpose of my dance is to create a beautiful piece of art that people will watch and see nothing but the Creator.

I want to reflect God in everything I do. I want to respond to people in the way that God would respond to people. I want to dance with people just as God leads me to dance with people.

This tattoo is a reminder of that.

Taken by Natasha Brainard with the iPhone 6

Every time I see this tattoo I'm reminded that my life is not meant to be my own. I don't want to have a "one hit wonder" type of life. I don't want the art and dance steps of it to fade as generations come and go after me. I want every step that I took here on earth to have been a part of the dance that set up someone else for their part. When I can dance with the One who knows the end from the beginning, why wouldn't I want to? I can know that every step will be exactly when and where it should be. I can know that this dance is not my own. It's to reflect the art of my Creator... and that's what I intend to do.

You've probably heard the saying, "Dance like nobody's watching." I like that saying. I realize, for most people, it means that where they'd normally feel weird, they should just do it like no one cares.

But I like to dance like I'm being watched. Dance like I'm being watched by my Heavenly Father. Just like a little girl will put on a dress and twirl for her Daddy, or for anyone who will watch. 

She feels beautiful. She feels loved. She feels like she is something.

I want to live my life beautifully. I want to live my life loved. I want to live my life as something.

And that is why I will dance until I die.

Until next time,

Jenny

What I've Learned // Parenting Is Easy

Here's the deal:

 I think parenting is easy.

Mommy/Baby Selfies

Am I crazy?
Am I under-qualified because I'm a mom of ONE one year old?
Do I have the most perfect baby in the world?

I don't think so.

Daddy teaching Little ATJ how to jump on the bed.

I think parenting is easy; because I can't imagine no longer being a parent. That would be hard.

I've felt my child's hugs. I've heard him say "Mama," "Mom" & "Ma". I've seen him light up in the morning when I pull back the curtain that hides his crib from the rest of his bedroom. I've felt so proud of him for every little milestone he's made. I've heard his giggle and my heart has swelled with joy. I've rocked him to sleep when his aching gums were breaking a new tooth through and he needed that closeness and comfort. I've seen him grow, learn and discover the world around him...

...and I can't imagine never having this again.

This was snapped by my beautiful friend, Cassie. So thankful for this photo.

It's because of that mindset that parenting is easy. It's because of that perspective that the poopy diapers; the screaming in the car because he's just too hot and the air conditioning is not working; the stubborn little will that he has; all of these things are easy.


I've learned, in life, that it truly depends on your perspective.

Let me say this again.

Perspective is EVERYTHING.

One of my favorite lines of all time is from Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory: "If you want to view paradise, open up your eyes and view it." What are you looking at? What are you viewing?

One night Little ATJ was so fussy. His day had been an interesting one, and he just wasn't having it anymore. He was crying about everything that went a little bit wrong. I was holding him and he would kick and move around to stop sleep from overtaking him. I took him upstairs to put him to bed because, clearly, he was tired. He laid down and instantly closed his eyes. This is a totally normal thing when he's exhausted and needs to sleep. He closes his eyes and its the end of the story. No questions asked. It's time to sleep.

Fifteen minutes passed and all of the sudden he just started crying. I was a little frustrated at this point and walked up the stairs in a huff. It had been a long day for me and I was just really looking forward to sitting and doing nothing. This clearly wasn't what was happening, and I was getting a bit irritated.

I pulled back the curtain to see him just bawling. For whatever reason, he was not happy. I picked him up out of his crib, put his pacifier in his mouth, and just rocked him. He calmed down and fell asleep almost instantly. I stood there; just staring at him. And then it hit me (again).

I realized, again, one day I will hold and cuddle him for the last time. I've thought frequently of this. Questions such as, "When will I feed him his last bottle?" have come into my thoughts while I've sat holding him with his bottle. That night I stared at him and realized that I won't always have these moments. Knowing that isn't something to mourn. It's something to rejoice in. I know I won't take for granted these little things that I will one day miss. I squeezed him closer to me and held his face close to mine. I thanked him for not going to sleep right away. I thanked my precious little boy for being a little fussy that night. I thanked my little love for letting me hold and cuddle him for an extra amount of time that day. I reminded him, a few more times, just how much I loved him.


So, instead of focusing on how hard moments are. I cherish them. I know there are so many things that will happen for the last time someday. When one day I realize that I've never done it again, I don't want to regret not cherishing it. I want to know that I was purposeful in my relationship with my son. I want to know that everything I did with him, I was fully present.

There are many things I only will have with him for a short time. And it's because of this that I stay focused on how much I love being Mom.

4:30 AM while I was on a trip with him. I was going to send Joel a picture of us, saying how crazy 
it was that we were both awake at this moment, and he just lunges in and gave me a big kiss. 
It's these moments... these moments that just make my heart so warm.

Since becoming Mom, I couldn't imagine it any other way. And that, my friends, is why I find parenting easy.

Until I write again,
Jenny

P.S. If you want to see photos of my adorable #littleATJ you can look up his hashtag on instagram, and you're welcome to follow me! @jennifurfly

The Longest 32.5 Hours Of My Life // The Birth Story Of LittleATJ

It was the most amazing, most difficult thing I've ever done. I felt the closest I'd ever felt to God, but also the farthest.  Consumed, by Jesus Culture, was playing in the background; over and over and over again. In a 32.5 hour timeframe, we listened to that album almost 25 times. Every time the song Obsession came on; the lyrics "Sometimes, You're further than the moon. Sometimes, You're closer than my skin." stuck out to me. I realized later its because these words felt so true to me in this exact moment. Every time I started to feel like God was far away, I would feel His arms of love wrap around me, showing me He was there. He was helping me. The scripture "But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." [Isaiah 40:31] kept playing over and over again, pushing me onward, telling me I would be alright.

Joel was my strong tower during this entire process. We had read Husband-Coached Childbirth together and there were so many things that he remembered and really applied during the home birth experience. Joel was there the ENTIRE time. He didn't leave me. He didn't go sleep. He was on 2.5 hours of sleep, just like I was on 2.5 hours of sleep. I truly do not believe I cold have done this without Joel there; holding me, pressing a hot towel on my back, and touching my forehead when I was furrowing my brow... which would remind me to relax my body and let it do what it was made to do.





I will always remember the moment Little ATJ was laid on my chest. With his eyes open, he tilted his face up to me, and smiled. My thirty-second old son SMILED at me. My mom said, "Did you see that?! He just smiled at you!" which proved to me I wasn't going crazy. The moment those little lips curled up every ounce of pain I had just experienced was gone. Every hour I had just experienced contraction after contraction no longer mattered. I had my son. I had my boy. Joel and I had done it.





The amount of love that I was overwhelmed with when I held that little one in my arms was something I never expected. Here was this tiny thing, only seconds old, and my heart.... oh my heart. Every bit of me that was made for loving my child all of the sudden burst forth and just overwhelmed me.



I believe one of the most beautiful gifts that some of us can be given by God, is a child. I have learned more from Little ATJ in how to love and be loved, than by almost any other experience in my life. I am learning something new everyday. The amount of love that I feel for my son is astounding. The fact that God loves us MORE than I love Little ATJ, and the fact that God dreams bigger for us, wants more for us, and desires to bless us more than I could ever want for my child just stops me in my tracks.

Think about it.

Just stop.

And think about it.

We have felt but a fraction of the love that God has for us. Whether you are a parent or not, there is someone you love. There is someone you want the best for. There is someone that you dream big things for. This person may be you. I know that I think of big dreams, I hope for big things. Since having a child, I think of even bigger dreams for him. My desire is for Little ATJ to surpass me in quality of life. I want to give him the world. I want to teach him the love of God. I want to show him how to allow the love of God to flow freely through him to every single person he meets.

God wants that more than I do.



I do not have the capability to dream as big as God. And that is fine with me. Where would adventure or blessings or miracles in life be if I could have a dream that was achieved and done with? I am constantly surprised by the newness that is brought every day. The love I have for my child is overwhelming.

To think that God loves me more...
I'm just astounded. I'm left speechless. I'm in awe.

I thank God for this opportunity to be a parent, and I believe that God will bless us with even more littles. I believe my heart has the capability to explode with love unlike any other for every new soul God brings into our lives.

I'm excited.

Until I write again,
Jenny

*All photos were taken by Natasha of Jennifer Christi Photography

P.S. I realize that not every person will choose to, or is able to, have children. I don't believe that children are the only way to experience the overwhelming love of God. I feel that having a child has been one way in which God has chosen to show us the love He has for us. I learn by doing, by being a part of something. This is a hands on experience in the love of God for me... this is what I write about. This is where I am. This is who I was created to be.

Little ATJ Turns ONE

I cannot believe I have a one year old... this just makes me look back and think of so many amazing things that being a mother has brought forth. My son is amazing. Joel and I are so blessed. We are so so happy.

This week I'm going to post the story of our little guy, as well as some things I've learned. But for today, I'm just going to post a photo of my lovely family & I'm going to tell you about my little love.

Things Little ATJ Loves

- sweet potatoes

- chewing on his crib... and everything else he can fit his mouth on

- crawling everywhere as fast as he can

- clapping when people say "yay!"

- throwing both hands in the air when people say "Praise the Lord!"

- going through the 'obstacle course' that is the legs of our dining room table & chairs

- crawling up stairs as fast as he can

- crawling downstairs

- his best puppy friends/sisters, Milka & Brindy

- pulling Milka's tail

- playing 'how high can Mommy stack the blocks before I smack the tower over?'

- throwing his head back and fake laughing

- fake sneezing

- laughing when Mommy sneezes

- pulling Daddy's beard

- playing in the dogs' food & water

- bathtime

- playing in the dirt of the plant at Great Grandma & Grandpa's

- peekaboo

- dancing... specifically to Sugar by Maroon 5, or any Crazy Frog song

- dog kisses

Things Little ATJ Does Not Love

- really sweet fruit

- having his face wiped off

- getting clothes put on him, or taken off of him

- when someone walks out of the room that he was just interacting with

- being told he can't play in the dirt of the plant at Great Grandma & Grandpa's

Random Facts About ATJ

- He has 7 teeth; 4 on top & 3 on bottom.

- He has stood for up to 30 seconds without holding on to anything.

- He loves to walk around along furniture, but will not walk if he isn't holding to anything.

- He is very particular about music, his favorite band is Copeland. If you play Copeland when he is very upset, he will calm down almost instantly and just listen. It doesn't matter what song by them, he just loves them. He isn't a huge fan of most pop music. He loves classic rock & show tunes.

- He is VERY strong, even in upper body strength. He does some acrobatic type things with me, which I love to do as party tricks.

Our wee one is one of the biggest blessings we have ever received. We are so thankful for him and so excited to see where God brings us and where he brings our little man. We pray daily that we are always a help to the plan God has for Him, and never a hinderance. This year is the first of many daily celebrations we will have. Here's to the next 365 days!

Until I write again,

Jenny

Same Blog. New Name. New Way of Thinking.

'Ok... breathe.' 

The thought that goes through my head as I begin to write this post.

I've started writing this blog so many times with high hopes of being a diligent blogger; one who has a set schedule and will always post right on time with a lot of photos of her life and a detailed breakdown of exactly how every wonderful moment went. I've failed. I've failed that so SO many times.

If you look at the blog archive list, you'll see I started this in 2009. My first blog post was on December 10th, 2009. In the nearly five and a half years I've had this blog, I've posted a total of 39 times. In the 64 months I've had this blog... I've posted thirty nine times. My goals have not happened, my ideas have not continued, they've all died out when I lose some sort of motivation or get derailed in the tiniest bit.

But this time, it's different.

Let me tell you why it's different. This time, I'm not overwhelmed by the idea of posting. I've learned life is lived one day at a time. I've let the scripture, Matthew 6:34, sink into my heart - " Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." I've realized that I am going to take this day to day. I'm going to miss a blog post or two... or twenty. I'm going to follow leading and be diligent every single day. Not diligent to this blog. Not diligent to my ideas. Diligent to my God.

My family on Easter Sunday

I've changed the name of my blog. Its now called 'Rooted Nomadic Heart.'

Let me explain this oxymoron of a name:

rooted: [roo-tid, roo t-id]

adjective

firmly implanted (often used in combination): a deep-rooted belief.

nomad: [nō-ˌmad]

noun

a member of a people who have no fixed residence but move from place to place usually seasonally and within a well-defined territory.

My heart is rooted deeply in what I believe. I know that I was created by God and that He has a plan and a purpose for my life. I know that because of Adam & Eve's fall in the Garden of Eden, I was not worthy of saving, not worthy of a relationship. God, being the amazing wonderful God that He is, sent his only son, Jesus, to die on the cross for me so that I could be made perfect & sinless in the eyes of God. I know that Jesus was dead for three days, but rose again and is seated at the right hand of the Father in Heaven. Because I acknowledge that Christ died for my sins and rose again, and because I have said that He is my Lord & Savior, I get to spend all of eternity in Heaven. These are things I know. These are things I'm rooted in.

I do not know where I'm going in life. I have ideas and dreams. But I've learned that my life's dance is best led by the Father. I've learned to allow Him to move me from where I am now, to the place that I'm supposed to be tomorrow, next week, next year. My heart is open to what He has for me. My life is His. I will be moving about in life in the well-defined territory of His written & spoken word. 

My life is in His hands. I've found that the best place to be is right with Him. He knows the end from the beginning, He knows my every thought & dream. I'm loving this journey. And now, I'm sharing my journey with you.

Until I write again,

Jenny