I Try Too Hard

I hadn't seen my friend, Bethany, in what felt like years. I was so so excited to sit down at Perkins and talk with her about life; hear how Rochester, NY was treating her, and how everything was going on her end.

She was there when I arrived, and I slid into the booth with her. We ordered some food and I started to fill her in on everything that was happening. God had been doing SO many things in my life, and I just had to tell her about all of the amazing things He was showing me. She'd take a turn to say something that God had been whispering to her heart, and it would remind me of something else He'd recently done in my life, so I'd tell her about that too.

The time with her was so much fun. We laughed. We hugged. We enjoyed one another's company. We said our goodbyes and as I got into my car my heart sank as I had a terrible realization; I selfishly hogged that entire conversation.

I had wanted, so badly, to tell her about all the amazing things going on in my life that I had hardly given her time to open her heart up about one of the things God was doing in hers.

I've done a lot of thinking about this concept, since this moment of realization I had about 8 years ago. It wasn't until today that I realized why.

I try too hard.

I was in my kitchen today, just cleaning, when all of the sudden the Lord whispered to me, gently, "You're too much."

Instantly my instagram profile came into my mind.

"If you want to view paradise, open up your eyes and view it." // Living a story that matters. // Wife. Mom to #LittleATJ. Pastor. Traveler. Photog. 

That's what my description read.

In 25 words I tried to get out everything about who I am. I tried to get anyone who wants to know me or understand me and my heart in one description. I tried to get you to see me. I tried...

I try.

I have seen this as a pattern in my life. I so badly want to make sure that everyone understands my heart. I want to validate myself. I want people to know I'm genuine. I want to make everyone see my intentions are good.

I try.

When someone has come against me and who I am, or questions my integrity, I am so quick to try to show them they're wrong. I will go above and beyond to show them, to GIVE THEM PROOF that my heart was never to hurt anyone. I don't want to be misread, misunderstood, and mistaken for something wrong.

I try.

Yesterday I was reading about Jesus' crucifixion. In Matthew 27:39-44 it says, "Those who passed by hurled insults at him, shaking their heads and saying, “You who are going to destroy the temple and build it in three days, save yourself! Come down from the cross, if you are the Son of God!” In the same way the chief priests, the teachers of the law and the elders mocked him. “He saved others,” they said, “but he can’t save himself! He’s the king of Israel! Let him come down now from the cross, and we will believe in him. He trusts in God. Let God rescue him now if he wants him, for he said, ‘I am the Son of God.’" In the same way the rebels who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him."

It hit me that if JESUS CHRIST, the SON OF GOD had people who came against Him, doubting Him and questioning His heart, His motives, Him, how in the world would I think that people wouldn't question me???

I realized I don't need to try.

I don't need to explain myself to you. I don't need to tell you about all the good things God is doing in my life to make sure that you believe me. I don't need to try to push my heart out there and say, "But look!!! I promise I'm trying to take care of it as best as I can!"

I don't need to try.

I am a daughter of the King. I am loved by the Holy Creator. I am led by Holy Spirit. I am an open vessel before Him.

That is before all other things.

It is out of this that you'll hear me talk about how amazing my God is. It is out of this that you'll see me living my life. It's no longer out of the desire to prove something to you.

It's out of the love that He's already proven to me.

Until next time,
Jenny

Living Eulogy // Cassandra Carrascosa

Our parents met when I was a year and a half old. We've been best friends ever since.

I'm turning 28 in a couple months...

That's just over 26 years that I've known this woman. WHAT???

To have 26 years of memories, laughter, crying and everything in between makes it quite difficult to nail it down to a blog post that isn't a novel.... but I shall try. *Side note: I was hoping to find some childhood photos of us... but my mom thinks they're all in their storage unit. So I did what I could.

Here's us being awesome teenagers!

You'll never find someone like Cassie if you search the whole world over. Cassie is one of the most hard working, artistically driven women I know. She has a vision and a passion that is unlike any I've ever seen. Cassie has pushed and worked so hard to get to where she is, and there are only more amazing things coming in the future.

Cassie has a passion for fine art. More specifically, she has a passion for fine art photography. She attended the Academy of Art University online and worked her butt off to get her graduate. Not only was she putting in 40+ hours a week (I know I'm not even close to the actual number...), she got pregnant twice and had two children during her schooling. She then stayed home with them while her hubby worked a job that was 1 hour away that involved many overnights. But she pushed through and graduated in December of 2013. I got to go out to California with her for her graduation and it was so great!

Cassie & her family live in southern MN and she has had a vision to create fine art furniture pieces. Oh my GOODNESS they're amazing. To see one of her more recent pieces that she envisioned & created as a part of her 'Art With A Past Life' venture, click here. She has chased this. She works relentlessly to make her visions reality.

Cassie has inspired me in so many ways in my life. She pushes me to chase my dreams and make them happen. She shows me what a loving a nurturing mother looks like. She has taught me what it looks like to fight for relationship with your husband when it doesn't always go so smoothly, but how it's always worth it and how God makes them stronger & more in love with one another ever single time. She has always been a source of encouragement, someone who shares the love of God with me every time we talk, every time we write one another.

There are so many areas she's pushed me and inspired me... but this is the one that sticks out the most right now; her drive. Whether it be in her relationship with God, in her relationship with her husband, in her relationship with her children, or her art; she doesn't give up. She doesn't walk away. She sees a vision that has been given to her and she chases it whole-heartedly.

I love you so much Cassie, I have so many more words to say... but I don't even know how to go on and on with them right now. The gratitude I have to God for putting you in my life is something I can't contain. Thank you for all of the bits of wisdom you've given me. Thank you for the encouragement. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being raw, for being honest. I love you so much more than I'll ever be able to say.

With so much love,

Your BFF - Boy Friend Forever ;)

And just for old time's sake... here's one that we thought was soooooo cool.

To follow Cassie's business Facebook page and keep up with everything she's doing click here!